Deadliest Warrior: Harley Qunn vs Black Widow
by Jake7901
Summary: An episode of Deadliest Warrior featuring Harleen Quinzell 'Harley Quinn' and Natasha Romanova 'Black Widow' Who is deadliest?


Welcome to Deadliest Warrior

Harley Quinn: DC's insane clown queen of kickin' your ass.

Black Widow: Marvel's Russian super spy.

Who. Is. Deadliest?

To find out our world class fighters are testing history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules, no safety, no mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is the deadliest warrior.

With biomedical engineer Geoff Desmoulin, E.R. Physician Armand Dorian and computer wiz, Max Geiger

 **Geoff** : I'm really excited about this one guys. We have two deadly female characters. Both were villains that became heroes. Each with unconventional weapons and completely opposite personas. Harley Quinn, she is completely insane, but has a genius IQ and a PHD in psychology. She if fearless and has taken down several different heroes and villains. On the other hand we have the Black Widow. She was trained from an early age to be a super spy and is a founding member of the Avengers. This should be a really good match up.

 **Max** : I can't wait to get started, we have mallets, bats and batons, pistols even electrified bracelets

 **Dr. Armand** : We have weapons that have never been used in actual combat before I'm excited to see what happens.

 **Announcer** : Representing Harley Quinn: Paul Dini and Bruce Timm

 **Bruce** : There is no deadlier human female than Harley Quinn

 **Paul** : Black Widow is going to get squished

 **Announcer** : Representing Black Widow: Stan Lee and Don Heck

 **Stan** : The Widow is a trained superspy with the skills to stop anyone

 **Don** : The circus is leaving town, and taking a dead clown with it

Test 1: Long range weapons

 **Announcer** : At long range, both warriors carry deadly side arms

 **Geoff** : Ok guys, both of these women carry pistols for long range and quick kills, so we're here at the firing range to see what they can do. Bruce, Don, tell me about what you have for us.

 **Bruce** : Harley carries a bottom fire .357 magnum revolver.

 **Max** : What does bottom fire mean?

 **Bruce** : It means when the gun fires, the bullet from the bottom chamber is fired, instead of the top like most revolvers.

 **Geoff** : Does that affect the accuracy?

 **Bruce** : No, not at all

 **Don** : While the .357 is powerful, it's slow to fire and slower to reload. The Widow carries the Glock 26 Gen4. Shoots 9x19mm rounds, twelve in the clip plus one in the chamber

 **Geoff** : Ok, we have twelve targets for each of you. One set of S.H.I.E.L.D. gear, the others in Quinnette gear. We will be judging you for time and accuracy. Bruce, you're up first with Harley's .357

Bruce loaded the revolver and put a speed loader in his pocket then stepped up to the start line.

 **Geoff** : 3! 2! 1! Go!

Bruce ran forward and shot the first six targets. He opened the chambers and dumped the empty shells, then quickly reloaded with the speed loader. He shut the chambers and continued, shooting the other six targets.

 **Geoff** : 25 seconds, 7 seconds on the reload. That could be costly

 **Bruce** : Reload time isn't a factor if you're dead before I reload

 **Dr. Armand** : Let's look at the results

They began walking down the row of targets

 **Dr. Armand** : First target, between the eyes. Instant kill. Second Target, center of mass in the torso. That's an instant kill. Third target, this is in the shoulder. It hurts, it immobilizes that arm, but not a kill….

 **Geoff** : Ok so eight instant kills, two mortal wounds, one injury and one miss. Don, do you think can you do better?

 **Don** : I can do it faster and easily get more kills. I have twice the ammo in the gun and a much faster reload

 **Geoff** : Let's see it

Don lined up and readied the pistol

 **Geoff** : 3! 2! 1! Go!

Don ran forward and fired two rounds into the first target, two more in the second target. After the sixth target, he dropped the clip and reloaded and continued after the eleventh he reloaded again and fired twelve rounds into the final target.

 **Geoff** : 18 seconds, just under 2 seconds on the reload

 **Dr. Armand** : Let's see how you did. Frist target, two bullets in the head. Instant kill. Second Target, two in the side, that's going to collapse a lung, eventually it will kill but not an instant kill. Third target, two bullets in the heart. Instant kill…

 **Geoff** : Nine instant kills, one mortal wound, two injuries. That's eight instant kills and two mortal wounds for Harley compared to nine instant kills and one mortal wound for the Widow.

At the fight club

 **Geoff** : Faster reload, faster rate of fire and more instant kills, I have to give my edge to the Glock.

 **Dr. Armand** : The Glock did shoot and reload faster, but the .357 did a lot more damage my edge goes to the .357

 **Max** : More hits and more instant kills, edge Glock

 **Announcer** : in long range weapons, the edge goes to Black Widow for the Glock 26

Test 2: Close range weapons

 **Geoff** : Ok guys, what do your warriors bring for close range combat

 **Stan** : Widow uses an electrified Baton. Basically a night stick with metal rods around it that can deliver a powerful electric shock

 **Paul** : Harley brings a much simpler weapon to the fight, a baseball bat

 **Max** : We've seen a baseball bat on the show before, but never an electrified weapon

 **Dr. Armand** : Electricity can deliver a powerful stun effect and even kill if applied to the right areas

 **Announcer** : Both weapons will be tested on a ballistics gel torso, mimicking the same density and resistance as human flesh

 **Geoff** : Stan, you're up first with the electric baton.

 **Announcer** : the electrified baton was meticulously crafted in the Deadliest Warrior armory. Stan must wear a rubber glove to protect his hand and body from the shock

Stan stepped towards the gel torso with the baton

 **Geoff** : On 3! 2! 1! Go!

Stan stepped forward and hit the baton in the side of the head, then in the neck, finally in the stomach

Geoff, Max and Dr. Armand walked over

 **Dr. Armand** : Wow, look at the burn marks from the electricity. However, I don't see any serious damage caused by the impact of the baton. The blow to the head would stun and possibly disorientate them, but not kill. The blow to the neck, again the electricity causes more damage than the hit itself. It hurts, it probably burns but it doesn't kill. The hit to the stomach just hurts.

 **Paul** : Basically you have a fancy taser with a light punch. I have a real weapon

 **Geoff** : let's see what you can do with the bat

Paul walked over to another gel torso and put the bat on his shoulder

 **Geoff** : 3! 2! 1! Go!

Paul stepped forward and hit the gel torso in the head as hard as he could, shattering the skull and splattering brains around the room

Geoff, Max and Dr. Armand walked over

 **Dr. Armand** : I don't need to put my gloves on for this. When you see brains and skull fragments on the floor, there's no doubt he's dead

At the computer

 **Geoff** : wound vs kill, my edge goes to the bat

 **Dr. Armand** : The baton would hurt, the bat would kills. Edge, bat

 **Max** : edge bat

 **Announce** r: in medium range weapons, the edge goes to Harley Quinn for the baseball bat

Test 3: special weapons

 **Announcer** : Both warriors bring a special weapon to the fight

 **Geoff** : I'm seeing things I never thought I would see on this show. What do you have for me for special weapons?

 **Don** : we have the Widow's Sting. A specialized gauntlet that can be used as a Taser, fire several projectiles and disperse different types of gas

 **Bruce** : We brought Harley's signature weapon, her mallet. We had to bring in help with it because it weighs one hundred pounds

A strongman approached carrying the hammer

 **Max** : How would Harley use such a heavy weapon?

 **Bruce** : When Harley first met Poison Ivy she gave Harley an injection of a serum she created. It made Harley completely immune to all toxins, poisons and diseases. It also greatly increased her strength, reflexes, speed, agility, stamina and healing. Basically gave Harley a version of super powers

 **Max** : interesting, I'll have to program that into the sim

 **Geoff** : is there any way to actually test the Widow's Sting in real life?

 **Don** : Yes, we had one created just for this, courtesy of Marvel Studios

 **Geoff** : Ok, let's do it. Don, you're up first with the Widow's Sting

Don nodded and walked up to another gel torso

 **Geoff** : On 3! 2! 1! Go!

Don shoved the gauntlet into the torso's throat and unleashed a powerful shock. He pulled it back and shot two poison barbs into the torso's neck and one into its chest. He fired several small round BB like projectiles into the torso's stomach, then stepped back and said "clear"

Dr. Armand, Max and Geoff walked over

 **Dr. Armand** : I don't know where to start. The electric shock of this power to the throat can burn the trachea through the skin and inhibit breathing. The poison barbs will easily cause death. Without the poison the darts would cause bleeding and depending on the placement, the barb alone could kill. The BBs could cause a nasty wound, but not a kill by their selves. I would say all of this together is easily a kill

 **Geoff** : And it gives you options, Bruce, what do you think

 **Bruce** : I think our mallet will squash the widow like a spider

 **Geoff** : let's see it

Another gel torso was set up, the strongman walked over to it holding the hammer

 **Geoff** : 3! 2! 1! GO!

The strongman lifted the hammer and swung it down onto the gel torso's head. The force of the hit demolished the torso and drove the skull down into the stomach

 **Geoff** : OH MAN!

 **Max** : Holy s***!

They walked over to the torso

 **Dr. Armand** : That was absolutely devastating, I have never seen trauma like that. No doubt that that is an instant kill

At the computer

 **Geoff** : I like the Widow's Sting because it does give you options, but that mallet was devastating. My edge goes to the mallet

 **Dr. Armand** : like I said, I have never seen damage and trauma like I did from that hammer, edge mallet

 **Max** : Edge mallet

 **Announcer** : In close range weapons, the edge goes to Harley Quinn for the mallet

 **Announcer** : Now we must examine an X factor for each warrior

 **Geoff** : The X factors. First we have Harley Quinn.

 **Dr. Armand** : Her X factor has to be her enhancements from Poison Ivy. With the enhancements, she is able to easily lift and swing a one hundred pound mallet. She can also move faster and more agile than a normal person and she almost never tires and heals faster. Which works well with her brawler fighting style

 **Max** : Those enhancements will give her an advantage on the battle field

 **Geoff** : But then we have the Black Widow, her X factor is her training. She was trained as a spy from an early age and that could give her an advantage along with her martial arts fighting style

 **Announcer** : Which X factor gives the warrior the edge?

 **Geoff** : in X factors, I have to say they are even. Training is great but if Widow can't catch Harley, the training won't matter. But if Harley can't get close enough to land a hit, her strength won't matter.

 **Announcer** : Harley Quinn! Black Widow! Who is deadliest?! In our high tech fight club, our experts have completed their test of these two fatal females. In long range weapons, Harley's .357 was gunned down by Widow's Glock 26. In close range weapons, Widow's electrified baton was knocked out of the park by Harley's Bat. In special weapons, the Widow's Sting was crushed by Harley's mallet. In the X factors, Widow's training and Harley's enhancements are even.

 **Geoff** : We have the test results and weapons data

 **Max** : nothing left to do but fire up the sim.

Black Widow appeared in her black jump suit, boots and belt. She was wearing her gauntlets, with her baton on her leg and Glock on her hip. She walked into a warehouse and found Harley sitting on a crate, wiping blood off of her bat. She was wearing a black and red corset like top, skin tight leather pants that were black on the right and red on the left with a red knee high boot on her right leg and a black boot on her left leg. She had a black mesh sleeve that came up to her elbow and a red fingerless glove on her right arm and a red sleeve and black glove on her left. Her face was painted white with bright red lipstick and black circles around her eyes. Her hair was in pigtails and the tips were died back and red. Her revolver was on her hip and her hammer was leaning up against the crate.

Harley looked up and said "I've nevah seen ya around here before."

"I'm here to take you in for questioning about a man called the Joker" Widow said.

"No way" Harley said "I don't talk about him no more. I don't even think 'bout him. I don't want 'im clawin' his way back into my head."

"You can come with me or I can kill you and S.H.I.E.L.D. can dig into your brain" Widow said as she drew her Glock.

"Let's try th' second way" Harley said as she drew her revolver.

Widow opened fire. Harley cartwheeled away from the fire and began doing back hand springs. Avoiding the fire. When Widow had to reload, Harley stopped and quickly took aim and shot the Glock out of Widow's hand. Widow ran towards her. Harley fired again, widow jumped to the side, avoiding the bullet. She grabbed her baton and knocked the pistol out of Harley's hand. Harley summersaulted back towards the crate and grabbed her bat. Widow stepped forward and swung the baton, hitting Harley in the neck, shocking her. Harley shoved her back. An unnatural grin spread across Harley's face as the insanity flashed in her eyes.

"Jus' like shock therapy back at Arkham" she said.

She swung the bat a Widow, Widow stumbled back avoiding the swing. Harley stepped forward and swung again. Widow leaned back avoiding the swing again. Harley hit her in the stomach, hard. Widow dropped the baton and stumbled backwards. Harley kicked the baton across the room. Widow coughed up blood and fired two poison barbs at Harley, hitting her in the neck. Harley began pulling them out. Widow used the distraction to get to her pistol. She dropped the clip and grabbed a new one out of her belt. She shot the bat out of Harley's hand. Harley quickly dove back behind the crate. Widow emptied the clip into the crate. The bullets came through the crate around Harley as she looked for her revolver. A bullet hit Harley in the side. She put her hand over the wound, then looked at the blood on her hand and immediately grew angry. She peeked over the crate and saw Widow fighting a jam in her pistol. Harley jumped up, spun around with the hammer and let it go, sending it flying at Widow. Widow jumped back as Harley charged her. She quickly electrified her gauntlet and hit Harley in the stomach. Harley took a step back as widow stepped forward and kicked her in the face. She attempted to kick Harley's legs out from under her. Harley did a back hand spring, avoiding the kick. Harley ran forward, leaned down and grabbed Widow around the waist and picked her as she kept running. She ran into a wall, smashing Widow's body against it, then dropped her. Widow managed to land on her feet. Harley grabbed Widow's shoulders and head butted her in the forehead. Widow was disoriented from the head butt. She put her fist against Harley's stomach and fired the BBs again. Harley stumbled back as blood ran from the wounds. Widow tried to regain her composure and fired three more barbs into Harley's left knee. Harley stumbled to her hammer and picked it up. Widow began making her way towards Harley as electricity surged around her gauntlet. Harley turned around and swung the hammer, hitting Widow and knocking her into a wall. Harley ran forward as best she could and swung the hammer at Widow's head, crushing it against the wall and splattering blood everywhere. Harley walked over to her revolver and picked it up, then took out her cell phone and dialed a number

"Hey Red, I'm gonna need some patchin' up…no, it wasn't _him_ this time…can ya come get me…thanks…I'll tell ya 'bout it when ya get here. I'll text ya the address."

She limped outside to wait for Ivy, dragging her hammer behind her.

 **Announcer** : Out of one thousand battles, Harley won 510 times compared to Black Widow's 490

 **Geoff** : This is one of the closest matches we've ever had. Harley's strength and insanity overcame Widows training and gadgets

 **Max** : I'm honestly a little surprised

 **Dr. Armand** : The physical enhancements Harley has simply overpowered the Widow

 **Bruce** : There was never a doubt in my mind

 **Paul** : Harley is the deadliest warrior

 **Stan** : It's not over, kill the Widow and you have to deal with the Avengers

 **Don** : Had Widow been given ample information on Quinn she would win no problem


End file.
